He had one of those small greek statue penises
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
