Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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