That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Bring me that man meat
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
