I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
