it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
