i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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