There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
