I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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