that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
