I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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