There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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