I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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