And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
