Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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