Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
