Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
