i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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