Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
