i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
