her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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