xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
