Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
