everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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