He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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