Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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