I think scott just propositioned me for sex
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
