She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
