need another drink. this is the easiest way
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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