a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
