Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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