I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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