just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
