Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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