why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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