So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
