I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
