I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
