I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
