we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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