8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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