I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
