and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize