So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
