My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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