Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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