I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
