So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
