Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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