if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
