The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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