im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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