I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
