I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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