Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I need a beard to bite.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
