I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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