My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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