just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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