based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
