My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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