Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
