I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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