my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Enjoy the penises
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
