he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
