Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
