And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
