Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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