operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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