omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
