I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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