I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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