Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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