You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
NoShamevember. You game?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize