is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Please, let me fuck your mom
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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