So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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