Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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