when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize