I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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