Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
