u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
