you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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