If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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