Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
