Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
