this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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