bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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