at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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