When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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