I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
