How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
