I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
