moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
