we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
