I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
