You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
