you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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