Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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