genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
