That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
