i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
