if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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