wakey wakey hands off snakey
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
