I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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