Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
