You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
