I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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