I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
