my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize