she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
