end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
