I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
